tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89768797869069632172024-02-20T14:07:35.993-06:00Blame ValerieWhen life gives you lemons, blame Valerie!The Great Conhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14601655340849609987noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8976879786906963217.post-65259972121480098982010-07-22T10:50:00.000-05:002010-07-22T10:50:34.831-05:00Open Mic Thursdays - Post #1I would like to blame val for the following:<br />
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The 80’s<br />
Mullets<br />
Justin Bieber<br />
The phrase, "LOL"<br />
Vuvuzelas<br />
and<br />
CommunismThe Great Conhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14601655340849609987noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8976879786906963217.post-46422214203038004092010-07-21T10:44:00.005-05:002010-07-21T12:42:38.522-05:00Open Mic Thursdays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
For all you unfortunate folks out there who have no one to blame for your life's mishaps, now you can!<br />
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Tomorrow, July 21, 2010, you can <a href="mailto:blameval@gmail.com">email me</a> (blameval@gmail.com) your stories of how Valerie has affected or ruined your day and/or life! <br />
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Comments received in the past include:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Lack of sleep from night of drinking. That damn Valerie!"</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qzapDX-cvT8/TEcUl65XsDI/AAAAAAAAAV0/p2Uy3ZwH4tk/s1600/bad_day_driving.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qzapDX-cvT8/TEcUl65XsDI/AAAAAAAAAV0/p2Uy3ZwH4tk/s320/bad_day_driving.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Valerie decided to jump through my window whilst driving!"</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qzapDX-cvT8/TEcVZWCLeLI/AAAAAAAAAV8/q7IwdTtSFrQ/s1600/bad-day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qzapDX-cvT8/TEcVZWCLeLI/AAAAAAAAAV8/q7IwdTtSFrQ/s320/bad-day.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Why is Valerie urinating on my computer???"</td></tr>
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And Pat from Glenwood Springs writes,<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qzapDX-cvT8/TEcVjGWUaZI/AAAAAAAAAWE/77GFTaKDJiM/s1600/bad-hair-day.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qzapDX-cvT8/TEcVjGWUaZI/AAAAAAAAAWE/77GFTaKDJiM/s320/bad-hair-day.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"As usual, Valerie is crapping all over me!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The Great Conhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14601655340849609987noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8976879786906963217.post-68561611296218562882010-07-19T10:12:00.000-05:002010-07-19T12:20:09.503-05:00She broke my car AND caused the BP oil spill!I woke up today with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. For the most part, my life is pretty great. I have an amazing wife, great family and friends, a job, and a little <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=scratch">scratch</a> in my pocket. Yeah, life is good.<br />
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After a short <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jaunt">jaunt</a> to the basement, I started walking to my car like I do each morning. Once I reached my car, I stood there shocked and could not believe my eyes! Half of the paneling appeared to be ripped off the driver's side door and the remaining was duct taped on. How did this happen???<br />
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It was starting to get late and I still needed to go to work so I jumped in my new <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hoopty">hoopty</a> and started her up. It appeared that the same houligan that stole my paneling also <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=siphon">siphoned</a> the petrol right of my car. Fortunately, I was able to make it to the local BP and fill up. I couldn’t believe the news I heard while I was there.<br />
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While at BP, I ran into a very nice gentleman fueling his <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=maserati">Maserati</a> by the name of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Hayward">Tony Hayward</a>. Tony was full of stories. He told me this elaborate one of how a young woman hailing from the Denver area was to blame for a giant oil spill in the Gulf Coast. It seems she had broke the rig lines during her scuba certification class. Anyway, he goes on to say that she now lives in the area and has been stealing car paneling and siphoning petrol from unsuspecting and handsome young men.<br />
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"TONY!!!' I said, "I can't believe this, you're blowing my mind! My car is missing paneling and the only reason I'm here talking to you is because someone siphoned the petrol directly out of my car! This is too crazy!" Tony took a step closer to me and looked me directly in the eyes and said, "I am afraid I do not recollect, I do not know, I was not party to the process, I am afraid I am not an engineer, I am not a scientist I am afraid, I do not recollect her last name but you should definitely, blame Valerie!"<br />
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To recap, Valerie is to blame for stealing the driver's side door paneling, siphoning the petrol out of my car and the oil spill in the Gulf.The Great Conhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14601655340849609987noreply@blogger.com2