A place where all of life's misfortunes have a home!

Your car died? Blame Valerie!
You lost your job? Blame Valerie!
Your relative passed away? Blame Valerie!

Never worry about not knowing where blame should be placed. Here, our answer is simple. Blame Valerie!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Open Mic Thursdays - Post #1

I would like to blame val for the following:

The 80’s
Justin Bieber
The phrase, "LOL"

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Open Mic Thursdays

For all you unfortunate folks out there who have no one to blame for your life's mishaps, now you can!

Tomorrow, July 21, 2010, you can email me ( your stories of how Valerie has affected or ruined your day and/or life!

Comments received in the past include:

"Lack of sleep from night of drinking. That damn Valerie!"

"Valerie decided to jump through my window whilst driving!"

"Why is Valerie urinating on my computer???"

And Pat from Glenwood Springs writes,

"As usual, Valerie is crapping all over me!"

Monday, July 19, 2010

She broke my car AND caused the BP oil spill!

I woke up today with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. For the most part, my life is pretty great. I have an amazing wife, great family and friends, a job, and a little scratch in my pocket. Yeah, life is good.

After a short jaunt to the basement, I started walking to my car like I do each morning. Once I reached my car, I stood there shocked and could not believe my eyes! Half of the paneling appeared to be ripped off the driver's side door and the remaining was duct taped on. How did this happen???

It was starting to get late and I still needed to go to work so I jumped in my new hoopty and started her up. It appeared that the same houligan that stole my paneling also siphoned the petrol right of my car. Fortunately, I was able to make it to the local BP and fill up. I couldn’t believe the news I heard while I was there.

While at BP, I ran into a very nice gentleman fueling his Maserati by the name of Tony Hayward. Tony was full of stories. He told me this elaborate one of how a young woman hailing from the Denver area was to blame for a giant oil spill in the Gulf Coast. It seems she had broke the rig lines during her scuba certification class. Anyway, he goes on to say that she now lives in the area and has been stealing car paneling and siphoning petrol from unsuspecting and handsome young men.

"TONY!!!' I said, "I can't believe this, you're blowing my mind! My car is missing paneling and the only reason I'm here talking to you is because someone siphoned the petrol directly out of my car! This is too crazy!" Tony took a step closer to me and looked me directly in the eyes and said, "I am afraid I do not recollect, I do not know, I was not party to the process, I am afraid I am not an engineer, I am not a scientist I am afraid, I do not recollect her last name but you should definitely, blame Valerie!"

To recap, Valerie is to blame for stealing the driver's side door paneling, siphoning the petrol out of my car and the oil spill in the Gulf.